Do You HAVE to Write Your Own Vows?

Spoiler: No. But let's talk about what feels right for YOU.

If you’ve started wedding planning, you’ve probably seen it everywhere: “Make it personal! Write your own vows!”

Suddenly you’re having panic sweats because... what if you’re not a poet? What if you cry? What if you freeze up?

Take a deep breath. I’m Shauna with ROC the Knot Ceremonies, and I’m here to tell you the truth: You do NOT have to write your own vows to have a meaningful, beautiful ceremony.

1. What’s actually required in your vows?

Legally, the only thing you HAVE to do is the "Declaration of Intent." That’s the “I do” part. In New York State, that’s it. Generally, that is done just before vows.

Everything else? That’s tradition, not law. So you have options.

2. The 3 Types of Vows: Pick Your Comfort Zone

Option A: Traditional Vows

The classic “to have and to hold, for better or worse...” These are beautiful, timeless, and take all the pressure off. You repeat after me, line by line. No writing, no memorizing, no stress. And guess what? Your guests will still cry. I promise.

Option B: Personalized Vows (with help!)

Want something custom but hate writing? This is where I come in. We’ll hop on a call or meet in person, plus I’ll have you answer some questions about your love story. Your favorite inside jokes. Why you fell in love. Then I write the story and the vows that sound like you, not a greeting card. You can read them, or I can read them for you to repeat.

Option C: Fully Self-Written Vows

If you’re excited to pour your heart out on paper, go for it! I’ll send you my “Vow Writing Guide” with prompts, examples, and a no-fail template. Plus I’ll review them beforehand so you feel confident. Pro tip: keep it under 2 minutes or your guests will start checking their watches.

3. “But will it be less special if we don’t write them?”

Nope. Not even a little.

I’ve seen couples who sobbed through handwritten vows, and I’ve married couples who repeated traditional vows and had the entire room in tears.

What makes it special isn’t the words — it’s the meaning behind them. It’s the look on your partner’s face. It’s the way you say “I do” like you actually mean it.

Your ceremony should feel like you. If writing vows feels forced, then traditional or co-written vows are 100% the right choice.

4. What I recommend to my couples

At ROC the Knot Ceremonies, here’s how we decide:

• We talk — no pressure, just a casual chat about your vibe

• We choose together — maybe you do traditional vows + a personal statement, or maybe you each write 3 sentences

• We practice — so you never feel put on the spot

There’s no “wedding police” coming to judge your vows. The only rule is: it should feel authentic to you.

So... do you HAVE to write your own vows?

No. You just have to show up and mean them.

Whether you want classic, custom, or completely unique, I’ll make sure your ceremony feels like your love story. Because that’s what you deserve.

Ready to plan a ceremony that actually sounds like you?

Let’s chat. Contact Me!