Why Choosing the Right Officiant Matters More Than You Think

And how to find the one who gets your love story

Most couples spend months picking the venue, photographer, and cake. The officiant? Often a last-minute “whoever’s available” decision.

Here’s the truth: your officiant sets the tone for the entire day. They’re the person guiding the one moment everyone showed up for. The wrong fit can make your ceremony feel awkward, generic, or rushed. The right fit should make it the part your guests talk about for years.

Why Your Officiant Choice Makes or Breaks the Ceremony

1. They control the vibe formal and traditional? Funny and tear-jerking? Spiritual but not religious? Your officiant’s energy becomes the energy of your ceremony. If they’re stiff and you’re laid-back, guests will feel that mismatch.

2. They’re writing part of your love story, a great officiant doesn’t simply read a template. They weave in how you met, inside jokes, why your grandma approves, and the weird way he proposed. That only happens if they actually listen.

3. They handle the curveballs mic cuts out. Ring bearer bolts. Someone faints. An experienced officiant keeps it calm, smooth, and on track so you stay present instead of panicked.

4. They make it legal, paperwork isn’t romantic, but it’s required. The right officiant knows your state/county rules inside out so your marriage is valid and stress-free.

How to Tell If an Officiant Is Your Officiant

Listen to your gut in the first call or meeting did you laugh? Did they ask about you or just rattle off packages? You should leave feeling like they already care, not like you just

booked another vendor.

Check their ceremony style. Ask to see a video or full script. If every ceremony sounds the same, yours will too. Look for language that feels like something you’d actually say.

Values alignment matters inclusive of LGBTQ+ couples? Good with blended families? Cool with zero religion, or writing a custom spiritual ceremony? Your beliefs should be respected, not tolerated.

Notice how they handle logistics do they confirm details in writing? Show up early to rehearsal? File the license for you? Pros sweat the small stuff so you don’t have to.

10 Questions to Ask Any Potential Officiant

Copy/paste these for your interviews:

• “How would you describe your officiating style?”

  • Listen for: personal, warm, humorous, formal. Does it match you?

• “Can we write our own vows? Will you help us?”

  • Good sign: “Yes, and I have templates + will review them.”

• “How do you personalize ceremonies?”

  • Red flag: “I use the same script, just change names.”

• “What’s included in your fee?”

  • Clarify: travel, rehearsal, custom writing, filing the license, backup plan.

• “Are you ordained and familiar with [Your County/State] laws?”

  • In NYC: They must be registered with NYC or the state. Always verify.

• “How many weddings do you do per day/weekend?”

  • You want someone present, not racing from another ceremony.

• “What happens if you get sick?”

  • Pros have a vetted backup officiant on call.

• “Do you attend the rehearsal? Is that extra?”

  • Running the rehearsal = smoother wedding day.

• “Can we see a full ceremony video or script you’ve done?”

  • Highlight reels hide a lot. Full ceremonies show the real flow.

• “What do you need from us to make this amazing?”

  • Their answer shows how collaborative they’ll be.

Here is the Bottom Line

Your photographer captures the day. Your officiant creates the moment that everyone remembers.

Choose someone who makes you feel seen, safe, and excited. If you’re rolling your eyes during their sample script, keep looking.

Planning a wedding in Rochester, Fairport, or the Finger Lakes region? I’m an officiant licensed by American Marriage Ministries who builds custom, inclusive ceremonies that feel like you — from elopements to big celebrations with rehearsals. No templates, no awkward moments, no price-tag panic.

Let’s chat about your love story!

About the author: Shauna Lombardi is a flexible, affordable wedding officiant serving Upstate NY. Believer in happy tears, personal vows, and ceremonies that don’t feel like a lecture.