Writing Your Own Vows: Dos & Don'ts

Plus some examples that don't suck!

Let’s be honest: “to have and to hold” is beautiful, but it’s also been said 10 million times. Writing your own vows lets you say what actually matters to your special person. But staring at a blank page? Terrifying.

Here’s how to write vows that feel like you — not like a Hallmark movie.

DO: Keep It Real

1. Write the way you talk. If you don’t say “thou” in real life, don’t start now. If you joke with each other daily, add a little friendly humor in there.

2. Make promises you can keep. “I vow to never leave the toilet seat up” > “I vow to love you more than life itself every second forever.” One is sweet. One is doable.

3. Practice out loud. Time yourself. 1-2 minutes max. That’s about 150-250 words. Keep it short and sweet. If you feel the needs to say more some couples opt for private reading of their vows.

4. Steal a structure. Try this: One thing I love about you → One story that shows it → 2-3 vows → One look to the future. And... you are done!

DON’T: Ruin the Moment

1. Don’t surprise them with roast-level jokes. Funny is good. Humiliating them in front

of grandma is not. Run inside jokes past a friend.

2. Don’t make it a biography. Your vows aren’t your dating timeline. Save the big stories for the rehearsal dinner speech.

3. Don’t wing it. “I’ll just speak from the heart” = panic-sweating and forgetting your partner’s middle name. Write it down.

4. Don’t skip coordination. If you’re writing a tearjerker and they’re writing a stand-up set, it’s awkward. Agree on tone + length first.

Examples That Don’t Suck

Sweet + Simple: “Jason, you make the boring parts of life fun. Grocery runs, traffic, even doing taxes. I vow to be your co-pilot in the boring and the big stuff. I promise to always save you the last slice of pizza, to hype you up before scary things, and to choose us, even on days when we’re both tired. I can’t wait to keep building this amazing, happy life with you.”

Funny + Heartfelt: “Sam, I vow to love you even when you steal the covers and when you insist we need a third dog. I promise to laugh at your terrible jokes, to be the person you call when you need bail money, or just fries, and to never stop trying to beat you at Mario Kart. You’re my favorite person, and I’m stupid lucky to be yours.”

Short + Sincere: “Maria, from the day we met, you’ve felt like home. I vow to listen, really listen, when you talk. I vow to be patient when life gets hard. And I vow to show up, every single day, as your partner, your teammate, and your biggest fan. I love you. Let’s grow old and ridiculous together.”

Final Tip: Word Vomit

Set yourself a five minute timer. In that five minutes write anything and everything you might want to say to your partner that comes to mind. Your vows won’t be perfect on try one. Get the messy, confusing, cringe, cliché stuff out. Then edit it all down to what’s true. The goal isn’t poetry. It’s a promise that your person will recognize as you.

Need help?

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About the author: Shauna Lombardi is a flexible, affordable wedding officiant serving Upstate NY. Believer in happy tears, personal vows, and ceremonies that don’t feel like a lecture.